Woman Fed Up with Weekly Friday Dinners with the In-Laws, Husband Takes Personal Offense When She Suggests Staying In Once a Month: ‘You knew what you signed up for’

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Dec 15, 2024 10:00 PM EST

Welcome, gossip goddesses. When you marry someone, you are also marrying into their family. After the vows are said and done, after you slip on those matching golden bands, and after you throw the bouquet over your shoulder to your bridesmaids, you are a part of their family. Thus, you are suddenly expected to participate in their family traditions. Likewise, they are expected to be a part of your own family's rituals. However, getting married also means that you and your spouse officially become your own family — a small team that might grow bigger in the coming years. As an independent team, you are able to make decisions and draw boundaries with family from both sides.

In our story today, our protagonist attempts to draw a boundary after getting overwhelmed by weekly Friday dinners at her in-laws' house. Her husband, unable to understand her feelings towards his family's traditions, takes offense. Get all the details down below.

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  • 01
    "I tried to explain that I value his family, but I also need a break sometimes. He insists that this is a part of being married into his family and that I knew what I was getting into."
    via vudhikrai
  • 02
    r/AITAH u/Puzzleheaded-Ship251 .7h AITA for wanting to skip my husband's family tradition occasionally?
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Ship251
  • 03
    I (27F) have been married to my husband, Mike (30M), for two years. Mike's family has a long- standing tradition of weekly Friday night dinners at his parents' house. It's non-negotiable for them, and Mike has been attending these dinners his entire life.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Ship251
  • 04
    At first, I really appreciated how close his family was. I tried to fully immerse myself in the tradition, and for the first year of our marriage, I didn't miss a single dinner. However, as time went on, it started to feel more like an obligation than something I enjoyed. These dinners are always long, taking up the entire evening, and it's draining after a busy week.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Ship251
  • 05
    A few weeks ago, I suggested that we skip one dinner a month so we could have more time for ourselves or even just relax at home. Mike got upset and told me that skipping isn't an option—it's disrespectful to his parents, and they would be hurt. I tried to explain that I value his family, but I also need a break sometimes. He insists that this is a part of being married into his family and that I knew what I was getting into.
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Ship251
  • 06
    Now, I feel stuck. I don't want to ruin the relationship with his family, but I also feel like my needs aren't being considered. Am I being unreasonable for asking to occasionally skip these dinners? ۵ 1,561 1,098 D D
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Ship251
  • 07
    Particular-Town2229 .7h It's totally fair to want a break from a weekly commitment. Marriage is about compromise, and your husband should support you finding balance between family and personal time ... Reply 2.5k
    via u/Particular-Town2229
  • 08
    Puzzleheaded-Ship251 OP 7h Absolutely agree! Traditions are important, but so is maintaining a healthy balance in your life. A little flexibility shows respect for both the family and your own well-being-it's all about compromise! 924
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Ship251
  • 09
    False-Dog-2236 • 6h My mom invites us all to dinner every Sunday, but it's an invite, not a summons. Most of us go every week (I have a lot of siblings). But if we're too tired after a long week or have something else going on, there's never any pressure to show up. It's great that she gives us the opportunity to get together, but never makes it feel like an obligation. You'd probably enjoy the Friday dinners you do go to more if you didn't feel like you HAD to go to every single one. ... 700
    via u/False-Dog-2236
  • 10
    BridgetBlisse⚫ 7h Truee. it's important for your husband to understand that your desire to occasionally skip the dinners isn't a rejection of his family, but rather a need for personal space and time to recharge. 86
    via u/BridgetBlisse
  • 11
    LakeGlen4287 • 7h It's a nice habit they have as a family, and you're not asking them to stop. You're only saying you want to take some weeks off from it. That's reasonable. If I were you, I would not ask my husband to skip Friday night dinner with his family. But I would probably only go with him one or two Fridays a month. When you don't feel like going, let him go and have a good time. You know where he is and you can go with him the next week. Reply 639
    via u/LakeGlen4287
  • 12
    Puzzleheaded-Ship251 OP 7h • That's a great point! I'm not asking him to stop attending, and I'd never want to take that time away from him and his family. I just need some space to recharge so I can enjoy the nights I do join them-it's about quality over quantity. 368
    via u/Puzzleheaded-Ship251
  • 13
    vandr611 7h • Then, instead of suggesting that "we" skip a dinner a month, try suggesting that you skip a dinner a month. 204
    via u/vandr611
  • 14
    CreativeMusic5121 .7h Even frame it as a "once in a while". You can still take a break monthly, or however often, but if it doesn't sound scheduled it might be an easier sell. 98
    via u/CreativeMusic5121
  • 15
    Background-Umpire219 .7h NTA. Weekly dinners aren't a life sentence, taking a break is healthy. It's dinner, not a cult. Skipping once in a while is perfectly fine. ← Reply 111
    via u/Background-Umpire219
  • 16
    Relation Used2679 • 1h You're NTA. It's reasonable to want a break from something that feels like an obligation. Your needs matter, and Mike should understand that sometimes you need time for yourself. ← Reply 107
    via u/RelationUsed2679
  • 17
    MD7001 .7h Boy, I heard ya. To me Friday would be the absolute worse day for this! As you said after working all week, you just want to relax
    via u/MD7001
  • 18
    But the bigger issue is your husband lack of sympathy for your feelings There are very few absolutes in life & for him to draw a line in the sand over this is frankly shocking. I would suggest a third party, ie marriage counselor, to help him understand how unreasonable he is being Reply 241
    via u/MD7001
  • 19
    Wondrouslife2067 .7h I agree. I think lining up a counselor is a good idea. This family seems more than close, perhaps co-dependent. It sounds like an ethnic family, who knows no independence.
    via u/Wondrouslife2067
  • 20
    My Greek in-laws want us visiting every weekend four hours away roundtrip, as if we don't work or have a lot of responsibilities of our own. ← 58
    via u/Wondrouslife2067
  • 21
    lilysunfun ⚫ 3h • It's reasonable to want a break from weekly dinners, especially if they're draining. Your needs matter, and finding a balance is important. It's not unreasonable to ask for occasional time off. Reply Ŵ 79 ♡
    via u/lilysunfun
  • 22
    louloutre75 .7h This commitment is a big sacrifice of your personnal time, plus it's dedicated to his familly. How would he react if you were to announce that all saturday night are at your familly? Surely he'd find it excessive. Well, that's the same. ... Reply Q 66↓
    via u/louloutre75
  • 23
    NotShirley Temple ⚫ 7h I think that would be a terrific announcement! And it has to be out of the house, for just as long, doing something she really likes. 893
    via u/NotShirleyTemple

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